State of Mind (health update)

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I sit here, eyes glazed over, head spinning, with everything smelling/tasting like rubber & metal. I’m thinking, really? The doctor wants me to do this for 2 more weeks? Did He really say, “as long as you can manage the pain with the meds you are not considered a high priority.”
REALLY!! So as long as I’m high off my butt, can’t eat because everything tastes like crap and I can’t focus, I’m ok? REALLY?

So yes, this is where I’m at. I’m angry, very very depressed and so unfocused I can’t stand it. I tried going off my meds for 12 hours and all I ended up doing was causing myself to have a lot of pain. It’s so nice our health care system thinks it’s ok to make someone be drugged up for weeks on end. I’m a normal person, I’m not dying of a disease, I know. But my quality of life has been squashed. I can’t even take care of my own kids, because I fear what might happen to them while I’m “high”. I don’t do drugs and never will. I hate the feeling of being out of control, of not being in my right mind.
These meds are also controlling my moods. The other day I started throwing dishes across the room because I was made we didn’t have eggs in the house. YES, I said I was super mad over stupid eggs.

So, if you can please pray for me. Pray for my family as we wait til March 28th to get this stone out of me and be able to go back to “normal”. Also I fear of what kind of drug withdraw I will go through when this is done. Please pray it’s an easy recovery.

I have to say I’m thankful my mother-in-law is here this week to help with the kids and our house. I’m worried about next week, but we’ll deal with that when it comes. At least for now Chris can go back to work. He has missed 6 days because of all of this.

Sorry this isn’t good news and that this is a “poor me” post. This is the only place I feel safe sharing my feelings.

I do want to thank all of you for your kind notes and for understanding what I’m going through. I know I’m not alone, I know things could be worse, but I am glad to have readers like you. MUCH LOVE!!!