To read the begining of this story you can click here- Achilles Tendon Story
Well, it’s been 3 weeks since I fell down the stairs and ruptured my Achilles Tendon. Although most days are ok-average, there are a lot of days that are really tough. Like today…
For the past three nights I’ve been having troubles falling asleep due to pain. I’m on T3’s and Oxycontin when needed. But even with those I’m still struggling with the pain. I’m hoping it’s just a step in the healing process but it’s still hard to deal with. Last night I didn’t fall asleep until well after 3AM. I then had a series of nightmares of the fall. It all moves in slow motion, I feel/hear a pop, then feel one of the worst pains I’ve ever felt. I then begin screaming, “OH MY GOD! I broke my leg, I broke my leg. Oh my goodness, what did I do?”. I hate reliving it over and over again. And my sleep last night was not restful. I didn’t get out of bed until 11:30 this morning. I think the dreams are my feeling guilty for “ruining” the rest of the summer for my family. For ruining all the hard work I’ve made with my fitness. And for causing my 6 year old to be a half parent during the day, when she should just be a kid.
I wish I could rewind the entire summer and play it back minus all the bad parts. I know I can’t do that and I try very hard to make the bad into something positive. I do this for myself and for my kids. I’m hoping to show them how to stay positive during the rough times. Sometimes I think I’m failing at this. I think that’s why I’m writing this blog tonight. I need to vent and to let these emotions out and this is the best way I know how.
After waking up this morning I headed down to the kitchen where I was greeted with a mess. One huge thing I struggle with is not being able to do all the house work I usually do. I’ve written notes for the guys to know what I do on a daily/weekly basis to keep the house looking nice. I know they are busy and can’t do it all, and I think that frustrates me. I started yelling at my husband this morning about the mess. I know he’s trying hard and I feel bad for treating him that way. It’s all my fault for falling and I think I’m taking it out on other people.
After breakfast I decided to help my girls clean and organize their craft room. It was about an hour and a half job, which took a lot out of me and my foot was hurting.
Later on in the afternoon we needed to run a few errands. Usually I don’t go along but I was tired of being cooped up in the house. I had fun, even got a few new shirts from Old Navy. But I was on my good foot the whole time and it was starting to hurt too. By the time I got home my good foot was swollen.
Today I was also instructed by my physical therapist to take my boot off and try to move my foot side-to-side. I haven’t had my boot off for a week and boy did my foot STINK. My wonderful husband cleaned out the boot and helped me clean my foot. My foot is more colorful & swollen then the last I then tried moving my foot. It won’t move much but I still tried and didn’t give up until I accomplished what the therapist had asked.
With all the extra standing, moving and activity, my foot is hurting really really bad tonight. I have taken my pain meds and am hoping for a better night’s sleep. I know this healing process is going to be a long one but I’m hoping for more better days to come.
And to top off my tough day, as I was typing this blog post, my netbook is starting to die. It has no battery life in it so I have to keep it plugged in at all times. Now my plug-in cord is starting to break and I almost lost power while blogging. I need to have my netbook in order to run this blog, but we can’t afford a new one with all the extra medical expenses we have and all the time off Chris has had to take. So this is just another thing to add to my really bad day.
Why am I posting this photo? I wanted to share with you the fun way I’m learning to get around my house. I was finding I would get to one level of the house and not be able to carry my books, notebook, appointment book, iPhone, meds, water bottle, etc… So I decided to use my Willow purse from Susan Nichole handbags to carry everything. It swings around to my back and is out of my way while walking. It’s perfect and I’m glad I own it.
I am trying to make things positive with all this and I’m having fun finding news ways to do things. I’m trying to live up to this challenge I’ve been given to learn a different way to live. Just some days are hard.